These women were enjoying more sexual satisfaction and intimacy than they did in their youth.
Women are living longer than ever, they’re outliving their husbands and partners generally, and they’re dating again.
I think the surprise for me was also about the power of intimacy over the power of sex. Twenty-year-olds who are ‘hooking up’ are hoping the sexual chemistry will lead to some kind of emotional connection beyond the physical hookup. You want to communicate your sexual expectations, desires and performance levels to your partner and for your partner to be on the same page. There are women who are post-menopausal, have lost their libido and don’t want to be on hormones or use the “vaginator” that stretches female sex organs. But I don’t want someone in my bed.” She is the woman who gets a vibrator, and it may be her first. That’s really what many women enjoy – young and old: taking your time and exploring each other physically.
And I didn’t talk to one person over 60 who was single and dating and looking for both the sexual chemistry and the emotional commitment. There were a few women I interviewed who were in intimate relationships with men whose libido matched theirs. Some women just never thought of pleasuring themselves. I can tell you that a big chunk of that industry is sales to women over 60. One 70-year old woman attended a Tantric sex workshop with her husband where they were exploring conscious loving, not just slam-bam sex.
So, now there are no kids to get to school and no offices shrieking for our arrival, we have sex in the mornings.
And it is delightful: the cosy business of waking up and feeling for each other, then seeing where it leads.
Iris Krasnow hit the best-seller list a dozen years ago with her raw portrait of modern coupledom, “Surrendering to Marriage.” It was one in a series of non fiction books that have reflected Krasnow’s journey through life.